Small Talk, Big Difference

Elaine: I will never understand people.

Jerry: They’re the worst.* 

Except, Jerry, when they’re not. People happen to make up a big chunk of my non-negotiable health plan. 

I’ll take us back to when I was on an extended sick leave, my anxiety too much to fully function.  Being on an anxiety-induced leave is rough. In fact, others have shared that they have opted to keep working despite the agony because the prospect of free time was too terrifying. And I get that: acute chronic anxiety = rock + hard place.

The hardest part of a leave for me was having the hours but not the knowledge of what to do to recover—beyond the standard checklist out there (see your doctor, therapy, exercise, meditate, and don’t forget to breathe, etc, etc). 

And so to cope I began to make daily schedules for myself, establishing routines that at the very least distracted a little and gave me some sense of accomplishment. I then began to think about the different categories that I needed in order to work towards having a full life again. I realized that each category would help me find new tools.

Enter the company of others. Socialization, I called it. But who to include?

Quality time with my kiddo, close friends and family were the obvious staples. But, for me, they didn’t complete the category. I still felt lonely and isolated–especially with the extra hours—and anxious as ever. Slowly, I came to realize that I needed many different kinds of socialization. 

Here’s one:

Chatting or just saying hi or sometimes just being in the company of the people in my neighbourhood—yup, cue Mr Rogers here. 

Acquaintances, familiar faces, strangers, the butcher, shopkeepers, baristas, neighbours—people whose names I sometimes don’t know form a crucial piece of the puzzle for me.

I know my mail carrier. Hey, Dave the mailman, what’s up? Some days when I was struggling, isolated, you better believe I was within earshot of the mailbox. No questions about why I’m home in the middle of the day. Or about whether I’m feeling any better yet. Just two people’s lives intersecting for a few moments. That is powerful medicine. These days, it’s just nice to stop and banter with Dave.

My relationship to small talk** is a topic for another piece. But I will say that at the right time and place, for me, it has infinite value on my health. 

*Seinfeld - Season 6, Episode 23:

Jerry: Well what about these nitwits that get on a plane with nothing to read?

You know who these people are?

Elaine: Who?

Jerry: These are the people that want to talk to you. They got nothing else to do, why not disturb you?

Elaine: I will never understand people.

Jerry: They're the worst.

**A short piece here from CBC Radio’s Tapestry called ‘How’s it going?’ and other important questions: the case for small talk.