Coffee Love

I love everything about coffee. 

I love its smell and taste. The clatter of an espresso machine. The aesthetic of black coffee in a plain white cup.

For the French-press devotee, I love the routine chit chat that occurs around the all-important question, “Has it been four minutes yet?”  

I love that my mom and I discuss when it will be coffee time as soon as I arrive for a visit. And how we always seem to default to Dutch for this very important chat, “Hoe laat zullen we koffie drinken?”

* * *

“You might want to think about your coffee intake,” I hear my friend say as I talk about my latest panic attack between sips. And I get it—the good intention and the logic behind it. Coffee is a stimulant* and my system is over stimulated. 

I am down to one good small cup a day. I plan that coffee for maximum enjoyment. Where and when shall I have it today? With whom? Or with which book, piece of writing or task to get through. I enjoy every sip. I drink the good stuff—organic, just black.

When cutting back I tried a lot of different things. Tea, I care for you deeply, but for me you couldn’t fill the void of that first-thing-in-the-morning cuppa coffee. 

The mornings sans coffee were rough—until I rediscovered hot chocolate**. It’s frothy, creamy, and gives me a kick since it is packed full of iron and magnesium. 

And so I get by with this new normal. Happily, even.

* * * 

There remain days when I am in anxiety, and all I can do is strive to make it to the coffee shop. Blessed with lots of cozy independents in my neighbourhood, just making it to the coffee shop means getting dressed, leaving my home, and surrounding myself with people while not having to fully engage. 

I order coffee and let the warmth and aroma soothe me as best as it can. My ramped up anxiety will make it hard for me to taste it. The cup is often abandoned still quite full. But the process of walking to the cozy coffee shop, ordering, and holding the warm cup in two hands brings me at least to the memory of enjoyment and the comfort of knowing that I will be able to enjoy it again soon. 

*Coffee stimulates the release of stress hormones including adrenaline and cortisol. https://drhyman.com/blog/2012/09/19/is-coffee-bad-or-good-for-your-health-two-experts-debate/ (Dr. Hyman is my go-to when researching what to eat to best manage my anxiety.)

** Here are the ingredients I use to make my hot chocolate: organic cacao powder (as opposed to cocoa powder which is highly processed and full of refined sugar), organic cinnamon, pink sea salt (a tiny pinch), organic coconut milk (which is really creamy) and boiling water.