Oh, Just Breathe
I remember being in my naturopath’s office. Just getting myself there had been a struggle...
My speech is jumbled and I am struggling to sit still on the crinkly paper.
“Are you taking regular deep breaths?” he inquires as he checks my pulse.
“If one more person tells me to breathe...” I snap.
***
Every time I was encouraged to breathe, what my anxious brain actually heard was “Oh Nina, you’re just not breathing enough. Take some deep breaths and it will all go away."
I felt like healing my anxiety was being equated to the simplicity of putting a Band-Aid on an owie.
It makes me think of the impact of telling someone to “just relax” in an effort to get them to calm down and listen to you. Ha.
If you can relate to this frustration, of being told to just breathe, then my hope, dear reader, is that my lived experience will grant me enough credibility to keep you reading.
Because despite the above, the way I breathe is a huge part of managing my anxiety—all the while still finding it incredibly irritating when folks tell me to breathe.
Toronto-based psychotherapist, Mio Yokoi*, said it best when we chatted** about my resistance to the “just breathe” mantra. “I know it’s everywhere. We’re told all the time [to breathe],” she agrees, “but the thing that gets missed often is the why.”
She explains that once we understand why our systems are designed to breathe slow deep breaths and at other times, quick shallow ones, it makes sense why the former is so very important for the anxious racing mind.
I had known this on some level but you know when you just need something said out loud?
Mio goes on to explain that “the shallow breath allows us to access air as quickly as possible and therefore energy as quickly as possible.” This is crucial when we have to run away, for example, as our ancestors did from the hungry lion. We are wired to connect danger with this kind of breathing.
“And so when we’re able to switch the breath from the shallow to the belly, it tells the brain and the central nervous system that it’s okay, there isn’t any danger,” she says. Our system then understands that it is not under physical attack, allowing our anxiety to ease.
***
I feel a little weary leaving you with a breathing technique. They’ve been rammed down my throat so very often—with the kindest of intentions, I know.
Here it is [Insert eye roll here]:
It’s the common box breathing technique.
Breathe in for four counts, hold breath for four, breath out for four and hold with breath out for four. Start over.
If I’ve really been triggered, then I need to walk while doing this because the surge of adrenaline makes it overwhelming for me to stay still. However, I am very intentional about moving as slowly as I can. I’ll forget of course, speed up and abandon my breath. And so, for me, it’s just about noticing when that is happening (again and again and again) and coming back to the breath and the slow walking.
***
Deep breathing isn’t a cure for anxiety. It’s simply a tool in my box. A hammer in hand isn’t enough to build a house, though I wouldn’t want to try building one without it.
**LIfe Stuff 101 Podcast, Episode: Understanding & Managing Anxiety with Nina K. Moore